Lunaea Weatherstone's Blogue

Not quite wordless Wednesday

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us or we find it not."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy birthday, Virgo!

The sun enters Virgo today, an excellent time to undertake the pursuit of excellence! Virgos are known for their discerning eye, their critical clarity, and their attention to detail. This sometimes leads to people stereotyping Virgos as uptight nitpickers. On the contrary! Aristocratic Virgo’s finely developed sense of artistic awareness and appreciation for beauty are enhanced by the intelligence and attention she brings to every moment. Virgo can tell you the botanical name for every flower in your garden, how it grows, and the history of its cultivation from the Middle Ages. But she also knows the beauty of each flower's petals, the delicacy of its colors, and the deliciousness of its scent. Perceptive, passionate, and, okay, a bit persnickety at times, Virgo combines elegance with spiritual dedication. Her stone is the sapphire, which enhances faith, healing, and mystical knowledge, all attributes of Virgo: artist, scholar, seer, and sage. Happy birthday, fellow Virgos!

 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Keeping the Faith

I have infinite faith in the Goddess. I really, truly do. And yet.... in the last year I've felt that faith challenged again and again. In my deepest heart, the depths of the ocean of my faith, it was unshakable. On the surface, though, there were tempests and typhoons, wild waves and waterspouts. First I'm planning a move to Washington, then Portland, then I find a house there, then it is delayed, then my cat dies, then the house falls through, then another cat dies. My heart is shattered, my faith is tested. I push through, make the move to Portland in March ... and the house I end up in is not right. I leave everything in boxes and begin what will surely be a very fast house-hunt. The Goddess wants me to have a cozy home! I believe this. My faith is strong.

And then a house appears that seems right. All signs point to perfect. Except... it's not available yet. Not in April. Not in May. Surely in June? I sit surrounded by boxes, battered by constant loud traffic noise. It's amazing how ungrounded I am. The house continues to not be ready yet. Through June, July... I can feel so strongly that the Goddess is teaching me something important, something that will serve me well in the years to come. But I just can't see it through the mists, can't hear it above the noise. And still, my faith holds -- I believe I will understand it someday, and that I am being led somewhere good. I actually have a dream where I hear Her voice saying clearly, "Everything that's coming is good." I write it on a sticky note, put it on my computer monitor, alongside a whole row of stickies: "Trust and be grateful." "Bless the space I'm in right now." "Offer it all up." "Give energy to the good things."

I've been sharing this process here, but I'm sharing it again because one of the things that happened to me along the way was that I often felt ashamed of being so knocked out of balance by relatively trivial things. Compared to what some people have to deal with -- and DO deal with -- being in a temporary house and losing two cat companions doesn't seem like that big a deal. I berated myself for not being able to keep up with this blogue, for not being able to keep my chin(s) up and just count my blessings, let a smile be my umbrella (I'm told that if you carry an umbrella in Portland you look like a tourist, but smiles are everywhere).

So I'm writing this to all of you who may be feeling the same way, feeling like gratefulness and faith should somehow keep you from drowning when those tempests and tides overwhelm you. I know there will be deeper comprehension of what this last year has been about when I get some distance from it and can see it with perspective. But right now, I think the immediate lesson is that it's okay to be scared. It doesn't mean you don't trust the Goddess (or God). It doesn't mean you have lost your faith. The prayers "Help me" and "I'm so lost" are still prayers, after all. They are flowing toward the source of your faith -- not offered upward to heaven, but deep down into those oceanic depths, where the dark waters hold mystery and eternity.

This week I signed a lease on a house. Not the one I've been waiting for. One that is so very much better for me in so very many ways. I'll be sharing more about it soon, I'm sure. Moving date is sometime in September. It crossed my mind that this is my faith being rewarded, but really, faith is its own reward. And it also doesn't NEED rewards. That's the whole point about faith, I think. It sustains you in the hard times, is validated in the good times, always there ready to receive whatever you pour into its vastness. Blessed be.

(Image above is Green Witch, by Gregory Spalenka)