The things that are for me

In honor of the summertime return of So You Think You Can Dance, I dipped into one of my favorite books about dance, Rumer Godden's A Candle for St. Jude. (You can see more about this book on a little Godden fan site I made, A House with Four Rooms.) The heroine, aged Russian ballerina Madame Anna Holbein, lives through the days surrounding a jubilee performance of her small ballet company, her memories vivid and intense as she looks back over the past fifty years and more. As always with books I love, I find something new each time I re-read. When I first read St. Jude as a teenager, I related to the ardent and ambitious young dancers in the company. Now, of course, I sympathize with the wandering thoughts and still-ardent emotions of Madame. I love this passage where she dreamily tells (in her Russian accent) of the things she loves:

"I love so many things . . . universal things that are for everybody and things that are for me, personally. . . I olways feel, for instance, that red and white roses together are for me. Don't ask me why. They are for me. Yes, red and white roses, and then, the Gulf Stream. . . We in England ought to love the Gulf Stream. It keeps us from being frozen, quite. And I love spires and may trees, and views, some views; and houses, some houses; I love mahogany and the spell of spices; particularly I love the smell of spices, and food, the taste of that salmon at lunch, out of season, not? And poems. I love that poem about the deer by...by?...We had wine at lunch and that is why I think of him (and tomorrow we shall lunch on poached eggs and coffee, not? That is life)...Drrrinkwater, that is his name. I love his poem. I love so much, everything; this minute. . ." 

Setting the book aside, I mused on the things I love, the things that are for me, personally. When I was younger, I used to make long lists in my journals of the things I loved, as I tried to clarify who I was and who I was becoming. As I move toward my crone time, I find myself (like Madame) doing it again. Like her, I love houses, and the smell of spices. Wisteria and tangerines and wind chimes and clean cotton sheets. Candlelight is for me, and the scent of ocean fog is for me. Glass beads in subtle shimmering colors. Elizabethan lute music. Edward Gorey and Madeleine L'Engle and old books bound in gilded leather. Glitter and moonlight.

It's strangely satisfying to make lists like this, like stocking the soul's pantry with the staple items needed to make sure I am always able to feed myself. Especially when I get caught in mundane busy-ness and tasks that don't seem to be made from soul-pantry ingredients, it's good to add another item or two to the list, just to ground and center myself in the me-ness of me. Badgers. Geodes. Fairy houses. "I am what I am, each moment, forever," says Madame. Here is the poem that the wine reminded her of:

Shy in their herding dwell the fallow deer.

They are spirits of wild sense. Nobody near

Comes upon their pastures. There a life they live,

Of sufficient beauty, phantom, fugitive,

Treading as in jungles free leopards do,

Printless as evelight, instant as dew.

The great kine are patient, and home-coming sheep

Know our bidding. The fallow deer keep

Delicate and far their counsels wild,

Never to be folded reconciled

To the spoiling hand as the poor flocks are;

Lightfoot, and swift, and unfamiliar,

These you may not hinder, unconfined

Beautiful flocks of the mind.

What are the things that are for you, personally? What spirits of wild sense run in your mind and heart? 

Comments

[Lisa Hunt]

I love your term "soul-pantry". That conjures up such a vivid image of all the little goodies in life that inspire and make me feel, well, happy. As I make my way through what often feels like the ephemeral middle years, your lovely message seems all the more potent and meaningful. I think our stocked soul-pantries can help us to stop and smell the roses.

[Hypatia]

Wonderful! Curiously apropos since I'm working on Shekhinah Mountainwater's Crone Ritual (from her book Ariadne's Thread)...something to add to the mox..

[Rose]

"Soul pantry." Gods, that's a good way to describe it!

I will have to rummage around in my own soul pantry to give you a list, but I wanted to compliment you on such a lovely post!

[Cate]

I love this post, and the notion of a soul-pantry is one I am going to explore. Thank you!

[Lunaea]

Thanks for all the lovely comments, everyone. I know you will find lots of goodies in your soul pantries!

[Lunaea]

By the way, someone asked me and yes, I did take the photo of the deer above. One of the items in my own soul pantry is the blessing of living where wild animals visit from time to time.

[carolee]

Echoing all the other comments here, I just love the concept of stocking a soul pantry. It puts me in mind of Julia Cameron's concept of an artistic well that must be replenished before we can draw from it. Although I think I prefer the idea of a pantry - much better imagery there. ;)

As for things just for me...

cerulean blue with cherry red

jasmine flower tea

the sound of the koi pond waterfall

clove studded oranges

lavender and roses by the front door

~ Carolee

[Aurora]

"...like stocking the soul's pantry with the staple items needed to make sure I am always able to feed myself."

Love this line!

For me: the sound of children laughing, watering my garden at dusk, coconut water, clean sheets, Spanish guitar, sleeping outside and watching the stars spill...

...of course this list is strictly seasonal, and I'll probably have to redo it monthly. But what decadence!

Thank you for your inspiration (as usual)

[Madeleine]

This post made my day, my week, my summer! I am running out to find this book in the library!!
Soul Pantry: lavendar scented soap, sunflowers, music with the sound of whales and dolphins mingled in, mornings spent floating in the wide deep ocean with a snorkel mask on, bouyed up by my vest, swimming with fishes, eels, octopi, and more...

there's so much more.. life is soo large.. so sweet... libraries, caves, twilight, kissing my husband, peach pie..

Blessings,Lunaea!

[Elizabeth Owen]

Dear Lunaea
Thank you so much for this entry and the introduction to this author. Somehow I overlooked her and am now deep in "the House of Brede" for the first time.